Smokey McGregor

There was a Scottish painter named Smokey Macgregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.



As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Baptist Church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings.



Smokey put in a bid, and, because his price was so low, he got the job.



So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with water...



Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Smokey clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by tell-tale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.



Smokey was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got down on his knees and cried:



"Oh, God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?"



And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke..





(you're going to love this)







Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!

A painter called Murphy

A painter by the name of Murphy, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist.



Over a short number of years his fame grew and soon people from all over Ireland were coming to the town of Doolin in County Clare to get him to paint their likeness.



One day, a beautiful young English woman arrived at his house in a stretch limo and asked if he would paint her in the nude.



This being the first time anyone had made such a request he was a bit perturbed, particularly when the woman told him that money was no object; in fact, and she was willing to pay up to £10,000.



Not wanting to get into any marital strife, he asked her to wait while he went into the house to confer with Mary, his wife.



In a few minutes he returned. "T'would be me pleasure to paint yer portrait, missus," he said "The wife says it's okay.



"I'll paint ya in da nude alright, but I have to leave me socks on so I have a place to wipe me brushes."....................

air bag removal

please help I have a air bag warning light that comes on, I have had the diagnostic done and its saying an open circuit on the air bag on the steering wheel. The way to fix this is to remove the air bag re connect it wires and hey presto ( hopefully) fixed but I have never done this before and im slightly worried can any one offer help or advice on how I go about doing this

Thank you

Renault megane Cv joint/drive shaft

Hi



Im hoping someone has some advice with my issue.

I bought a 1.6l Megane Coupe expression 59 plate about a year and a half ago. about 3 months ago i started getting a creaking/knocking noise when turning (both left and right). I looked and seen the gaitors had come off, refilled with grease and re clamped, still the knocking noise continued and has now got worse.

I got a couple of people to look at it was told for my particular car cv joints cant be bought on there own therefore I would need 2 new drive shaft front and left, now the catch is Im told only renault have the part and when i was quoted by an independent mechanic it was in the region of £700 supply and fit, nearly £500 for the parts alone inc Vat. Im looking to sell as soon as this is fixed therefore can someone advise if theres anything i can do, I would even consider trying to get the existing shaft/cv joint reconditioned. Any assistance with this would be much appreciated.



Many thanks

need a little advice on an air induction kit

hi ive seen an air induction kit for a 1.2 turbo mark 3 ?

didnt know there was a turbod 1.2 but i have a mark 3 16v 1.2 will this air induction kit fit ?



thanks :moonie:



heres the site :- http://ift.tt/1octQxO

startproblems clioII 1.2

Hi, the last month the engine has been a bit unwilling to start. Sometimes I have to crank the engine around about 50 times before it finally fires. Other times it fires at once. Once it starts up it's running nice and smooth. It's a clio II from 1998 with the smallest engine 1.2 8v. Any ideas?



Thanks, Martin

P0302 Fixed By Coil Pack Replacement

Hi All,



No response required thank you, just posting my recent experience so that others may benefit.



I have a 2004 Clio II 1.2 D4F engine with 72000 on the clock.



I got an intermittent misfire at idle and 1st / 2nd but strangely not in 3rd or 4th. MIL and code reader gave me misfire cylinder #2 (P0302).



I suspected spark or fuel and not air because of the specific cylinder diagnosis and, at first, figured the coil must be OK if it works during some of the speed/load range and mostly at idle.



However, being lazy and the fact that the coil packs are fairly cheap (£40) and easy to replace in 20 minutes, I went for this first. It turns out this fixed the problem.



If you have similar symptoms I would go for the coil pack first. If wrong you could probably recoup by selling your coil pack on eBay. There are two versions: a 3 screw and a 4 screw mounting. Make sure you have the right one before you leave the shop.